Never had I felt so helpless. I was a firm believer of the cliché, “if there is a will, there is a way” but not anymore. My will power is failing me.
It is very disheartening to see the people you care about fade away in front of your eyes. The countless trips to many different hospitals and the numerous religious rituals haven’t been of much help. Though I am aware of the impermanence, I want to hold on. I am just not ready to let go.
I have heard people suffering from depression but I never knew that my share was already in store just waiting for its time to strike. Now I understand the trauma one goes through to learn that there is no hope, the distress of seeing someone die a slow but sure death.
Every night I look at the passing stars and wish for a brighter tomorrow and hope against hope for some good news but deep in my heart I know that a day will come when I have to accept the reality. The reality that I dread. :(