Random thoughts

Have you ever felt like the whole world is conspiring against you? Well I am going through that kind of phase in life: The place that I have lived for more than four years seems like a strange place. The work that I have loved since the time I started working seems less motivating and people I have worked with seems like Strangers.  The only light is my little girl who welcomes me home with her smile and laughter every time I return from my mundane routine.

Four years ago when I came here I remember my son complaining about the deserted place. He had missed his friends and the familiar faces and I felt no different from him. As time went on I got used to the place and made a couple of good friends but those friends moved away because I feel everyone in sense would find that this place has nothing to offer. There is no scope for any professional and personal development in this place and whoever comes here just want to move away as soon as they can.  I am glad that my older children are with their father away from here and  I too wish I could  join them soon.

My professional life has come to standstill and my motivation is going down. I had always taken pride in being a teacher and I still do but sometimes I wonder whether I am doing the right thing here. I try to read a lot to keep occupied least I lose my sense being stranded here while my rest of the family is elsewhere.  In the country of GNH, I am not able to stay with my family because my transfer got revoked since my husband works in another ministry and I couldn’t apply for transfer before December (my husband got his transfer order in February). What frustrates me more is that there are a lot like me living away from family. I just wonder how the concept of GNH can be achieved if there are a lot of us living like me away from family. However, I put a smile on my face and carry on as if everything is alright. If only people knew what I am feeling right now.

In my current situation my little girl is a blessing and my light. She is the one reason I am able to smile when all I want to do is scream. My frustration all vanishes as soon as I see her chubby face and her babbles fills my lonely evenings.  I would have lost my mind here in the wilderness had it not been her and my loving mother who is my guiding angle. I am truly blessed to have my two angles now. Just hope and wish that none of my friends would go through this phase of life (being away from family).